Relationships: From “Urgh” To “Oh Yeah”

It’s often heart-breaking to witness the suffering of those around you. Many of us heard the phrase, “pain is real, suffering is optional,” and yet we find ourselves going down the path of avoiding feeling and wallowing on why it’s there and what it means (suffering) rather than allowing it to be and not resisting what already is (pain sensation).   

Sometimes, the pain we endure is self-inflicted. We find ourselves repeating the same patterns, knowing deep down that they will lead to physical or emotional pain. Other times, we feel pain in our interaction with others. Even knowing that our perception guides how we see the other person doesn’t help when we don’t know how to shift our perception.

Relationship is a concept. In reality, what happens is what happens. People interact in some of following ways:

  • listen, or not
  • communicate clearly, or not
  • make promises and declarations
  • honor them, keep them, break them
  • share their authentic self or pretend etc.

I hear people cringe when they talk about someone being “transactional” but at the end of the day, when there is no balance of giving and receiving we don’t feel great about that relationship.

To create balance, we would have to be able to easily measure the giving and receiving. But how do you suppose we do that:

If someone gives you things that they don’t value, is it generosity or them decluttering their space? Even if they’re decluttering, aren’t you still lucky to be the one receiving it?

When people offer us their attention and presence, can you put the price on it? Does it have more value if it cannot be replicated or returned?

It is a paradox that our relationships don’t define us and yet, our relationships directly contribute to the quality of our lives.

But none of us has the ability to control other people (though many tried, I know), so the only variable that can change is on your side of the equation.  This doesn’t mean:

  • accept blame
  • approve of bad behavior
  • do ALL the work

it simply means, you stop holding on to the rope on your side allowing the Universe to sort out the rest.

And if you choose to explore any relationship that feels too complicated to even explain, you can book a private session here