I recently read that we had to be aware of death, but then we had to forget it during our day-to-day lives; otherwise, we could get stuck in “what’s the point of this.”
In my line of work, I am constantly looking at intentions, goals, and the best ways to check things off my bucket list. I believe we have to have things we want on the radar; otherwise, time will pass anyway, and uncomplished desires can become future regrets.
Thoughts about death and dying, however, woke up the childhood fear of death. I remember exactly the moment it began. Flashback to the 1979 movie “The Champ,” and one of the saddest scenes where little TJ cries seeing his dad, the Champ, dead after winning a boxing match. I never watched this movie again, so I googled it to make sure I was not making things up. I felt shivers all over again watching that final scene of the movie. It is still incredibly sad and in ways that are way more complex than what I could understand as a child.
I also know today that the backdrop of me watching this movie was the time of my parents’ divorce and the tragic death of my maternal grandpa. The missing of my dad in mine and also my mother’s dad in hers is something I felt in my life deeply. The lingering sadness followed me like a ghost for years before I understood what it was all about.
The interpretation of what I felt was missing while growing up was the “doom,” and the dominant emotion was sadness and grief.
When I looked into the richness of my family system, I realized that even when people pass, they are still a fabric of our being and I could accept it and feel confident in my own journey.
When I understood how my ego identity impacts the way I perceive reality and it’s design to keep me safe, I was able to disappear the story of doom and process the old grief.
There is no loving without feeling heartbreak. Grief is a natural emotion that follows loving so deeply and readjusting to expressing it differently when people leave us or pass. I loved my dad so much. I loved my grandfather so much. And now I am here to be loved deeply by my children and hopefully one day my grandchildren.
What about you…
- Are you blocking emotions that are hard to feel from moving through and out? Can you be a vessel and not be buried under their burden?
- Are you getting stuck in what you think it all means and finding it hard to breathe fully and creating magical expereinces while you are still here?
- Are there inexplicable ghost-like experiences in your own life and do you know where they come from and creating what they could be here to teach you?
Please share with me… It is my intention to keep these writings relevant to those of you who are generous enough to read them. I have a perspective that comes from my experience, education, training, and perhaps just nature.
I love looking under the surface to see more and to see things differently.
